When life changes, motherhood doesn’t necessarily get easier. Sometimes, it just gets a little less lonely.

As many of you know, I’m no longer single.

My boyfriend has officially moved in, and we’ve been settling into life as a family of three instead of it being just my daughter and me.

Honestly? The transition has been pretty easy.

My boyfriend practically lived here before he officially moved in anyway. He was here all the time, so having him here full-time hasn’t been a huge adjustment. If anything, it’s been nice having the extra help.

And I guess that’s something I’ve been thinking about lately.

I don’t really feel like such a single mom anymore.

But does that mean I can stop calling myself one?

What even makes someone a single mother?

Am I a single mom because I’m not married? Because I’m no longer with my daughter’s biological father? Or is being a single mother more about the responsibilities you carry than your actual relationship status?

Because here’s the thing.

My boyfriend helps me a lot with my daughter. He’s incredibly hands-on with her, and I’m so grateful for that. I absolutely love the relationship they’ve developed with each other.

In the relatively short amount of time we’ve been together, he’s stepped into something that feels a lot like a stepfather role. Not because I’ve expected him to, but because he’s naturally become such a big part of our everyday lives.

I think that’s one of the reasons moving in together has been such an easy transition.

But at the same time, I still feel like a single mother in a lot of ways.

The majority of the financial responsibilities for my daughter still fall on me. Her biological father does help, but I’m still the one managing most of her everyday needs.

I’m the one changing diapers, giving baths, taking her to daycare before work, and picking her up afterward.

I’m the one getting her ready in the morning, making sure she’s eaten, getting her ready for bed, and putting her to sleep at night.

I’m making sure she has everything she needs, that she’s healthy, happy, and taken care of.

So, I’m still a single mom, right?

But then I think about something else.

Even when I was with her father, I was doing all of those things.

I was still the one carrying the majority of those responsibilities, even though I was technically in a relationship with her other parent.

And back then, I wasn’t considered a single mother.

Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Maybe being a single mother isn’t as black and white as people make it seem.

Maybe having someone beside you doesn’t automatically mean the weight of motherhood is suddenly shared equally.

And maybe you can be in a loving, supportive relationship and still carry a lot of the responsibilities you’ve always carried on your own.

I don’t necessarily have an answer to that question.

It’s just something I’ve been thinking about as we settle into this new chapter of our lives.

So, Where Have I Been?

Aside from questioning my entire single-mom identity, life has actually been pretty good lately.

I know I haven’t written much in a while. Or, at least, I haven’t been posting much of what I’ve written.

The truth is, I kind of lost my muse.

I didn’t have the desire to sit down and write, edit, or post anything. Even responding to the wonderful women who have trusted me with their story submissions became something I fell behind on.

And for that, I genuinely apologize.

It wasn’t because I stopped caring about Raw Mothering or the stories being shared here.

I was just overwhelmed.

Between planning my daughter’s third birthday party, celebrating her birthday, my boyfriend moving in shortly afterward, sickness making its way through the house, working full-time, and trying to keep up with everyday responsibilities, I was exhausted.

Not necessarily the kind of exhausted that a good night’s sleep fixes, either.

More like the kind where you finally get a moment to yourself, and the last thing you want to do is open your laptop and give even more of yourself to something.

Even something you love.

And that’s exactly what happened.

I needed some time away.

I needed to remember that I’m allowed to have hobbies and interests outside of motherhood, work, and even this blog.

Recently, I’ve gotten back into sketching, something I used to really enjoy. I’ve been working on a little project, and I’m hoping to share it here once it’s finished.

No, it isn’t motherhood-related.

But I think that’s okay.

Because I’m not just a mother.

I’m still a woman with her own interests, talents, and things that bring her happiness.

And sometimes, having something that’s entirely yours is what keeps you sane while raising a three-year-old.

The Little Things That Have Made the Biggest Difference

One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed since my boyfriend moved in is how much easier some of the smallest everyday things have become.

Things I don’t think people fully appreciate until they’ve spent a significant amount of time doing everything on their own.

For example, taking a shower.

Yes. A shower.

Something so simple, right?

But when you’re the only adult in the house with a toddler, even taking a shower can feel like something you have to plan around.

Now, I can tell my boyfriend I’m going upstairs to shower, and he’ll keep an eye on my daughter.

That’s it.

I can just go take a shower.

I know she’s three, and it’s not like I need to have my eyes glued to her every second of every day. I’ve taken plenty of showers when it was just the two of us.

But there’s a difference between taking a shower while listening for every little noise downstairs and taking one knowing there’s another adult there with her.

It’s not necessarily that I couldn’t do these things before. It’s that I don’t have to do them with the same level of worry anymore.

And that feels amazing.

Grocery shopping has become another one of those little things.

I used to have our groceries delivered most of the time because, quite frankly, taking a toddler grocery shopping by yourself isn’t always the most enjoyable experience.

Now, the three of us can jump in the car and go together.

It’s not some extravagant family outing. We’re literally just buying groceries.

But there’s something really nice about that.

Something nice about being able to do the ordinary, boring, everyday things together as a family.

And then there are the household chores.

Oh, the never-ending household chores.

I swear, having one toddler is enough to make you feel like you’re constantly cleaning up after an entire football team.

You clean one room, walk into another, and somehow the first room already looks like nobody has touched it in three weeks.

It’s impressive, really.

But having my boyfriend here has made those responsibilities feel a lot more manageable.

He helps around the house, helps with my daughter, and makes everyday life feel a little less overwhelming.

And I’ve been incredibly grateful for that.

Learning What It’s Like to Have Someone There

I think what I’m appreciating most about this chapter isn’t necessarily having someone to help me do things.

It’s having someone there.

Someone to share the everyday moments with.

Someone who can step in when I need a minute.

Someone who has built a beautiful relationship with my daughter and genuinely enjoys being part of our lives.

For so long, I got used to doing everything on my own that I didn’t always realize how much I was carrying.

You learn to manage because you have to.

You figure out how to juggle work, daycare, dinner, bath time, bedtime, cleaning, and everything in between because there’s nobody else who’s going to magically make it happen.

And eventually, that just becomes your normal.

But having help now has made me realize how exhausting that normal sometimes was.

It doesn’t mean motherhood is suddenly effortless.

I’m still tired. My daughter is still three, and three-year-olds certainly have a way of keeping life interesting.

I still have responsibilities, stressful days, and moments when everything feels overwhelming.

But there’s a little more breathing room now.

And I think that’s what I’ve been needing.

So, Am I Still a Single Mother?

I guess I still don’t know.

Legally, financially, emotionally, practically… there are so many different ways people define what being a single mother means.

And maybe that’s why I’ve been struggling to figure out where I fit now.

I’m not raising my daughter in a traditional two-biological-parent household.

I’m not married.

And I’m still carrying much of the responsibility for her daily care.

But I’m also not doing everything completely alone anymore.

I have a partner who shows up, helps, and loves being part of our little family.

Maybe I don’t need to rush to put a label on it.

Maybe I’m just a mother who’s learning what it’s like to have a little more support.

A mother who’s adjusting to sharing her home, her routines, and her life with someone new.

A mother who’s still figuring out how to balance raising a child with maintaining her own identity.

And, perhaps most importantly, a mother who’s learning that accepting help doesn’t make her any less capable of doing things on her own.

It just means she doesn’t always have to.

A Little Thank You

To everyone who’s continued reading Raw Mothering, even while I’ve been quiet, thank you.

And to those who have trusted me enough to submit their personal stories, thank you for your patience.

I never want anyone to feel like their story doesn’t matter simply because it took me longer than expected to respond.

Sometimes life gets overwhelming, even when the changes happening are good ones.

I’m slowly finding my way back into writing, creating, and sharing pieces of my life here.

I’m excited to continue growing Raw Mothering, but I also want to give myself the grace to be human along the way.

After all, isn’t that what this space has always been about?

Real motherhood.

Messy motherhood.

The beautiful, exhausting, complicated, constantly changing reality of being a mother while still trying to figure out who you are as a woman.

And lately, for me, that reality looks like learning how to be a not-so-single, single mother.

Real. Raw. & Rising.

— Grace Harbor