I don’t know why you’re so difficult lately.

I thought I was finally getting into the swing of this whole mom thing.
I looked forward to you talking.
To you walking.
To you running.
To all the new silly things you’d do.

But now everything feels like a fight.

I try to get you dressed and you fight me.
I try to do your hair and you scream “no!” while squirming away, trying to run off.

You’re a 42 pound toddler.
I am a petite mama.

I can’t keep trying to hold you down while taking the flails and accidental blows.

I’m exhausted.
I’m overwhelmed.
I’m overstimulated.

And lately, all you say is “no.”

Where did my sweet little baby go?

Some moments, it feels like she’s still here.
But lately, most of the time, you’re so sassy and strong-willed that it feels like we mostly argue.

Can’t you see I’m just trying to take care of you?
You’re my baby, but you think you know best.

I try to explain things to you, but you’re too little to understand.

And then I yell.

And I hate that I yell.

I hate getting strict with you.
I hate losing my patience.
I hate the look on your face after.

It’s hard on mommy too.

As much as I don’t want you to grow up too fast…
As much as I want to keep you little forever…

I hate this stage.

I hate this phase.

And I think mothers should be allowed to admit that sometimes.

Grace Harbor (Sara)| Founder of Raw Mothering