It’s everything you don’t see behind it

To you, it’s crumbs on the floor.

Yogurt dried into the rug.

To me, it’s burnout.

It’s working all day,

coming home,

still being everything my child needs,

and having nothing left by the time she falls asleep.

To you, it’s laziness.

Something to critique.

Something I should “do better.”

To me, it’s too much on my plate.

I love that I have my daughter full time,

and I would never change that.

When I became a mother, I knew this was what I wanted.

But I never could have expected

how much it would be to carry on my own.

I know this season is temporary.

And I pray that if a man is going to love me,

he can accept this life with me—

and be the help and support I truly need.

In today’s world, people are so quick to shame a woman for saying she needs a man.

Like they don’t understand the kind of support a true partner can bring into a home.

Most people don’t expect to parent alone.

I didn’t.

I grew up with both of my parents,

and I got to see firsthand what a strong family dynamic looks like.

So I won’t let this new way of thinking

make me feel wrong for wanting that.

I still deserve that.

And I still want that.

It’s the laundry piling up

while my stress does too.

It’s looking around and knowing it needs to get done—

and not having anything left to give.

It’s doing this without help.

It’s being needed every second of the day

by someone who doesn’t understand

that I’m running on empty.

It’s sleepless nights

because my toddler wakes up,

and mornings that don’t wait for me to catch up.

It’s getting us both ready,

walking out the door,

and showing up to work

like I didn’t break a little the night before.

So no—

it’s not the mess.

It’s everything behind it

that you don’t see.